Watch the World Go By

I’m not sure where I am heading, as I gaze up into the sky

I do not know whose feet are treading, as foreign boots kick stones awry

Am I the cute one you remember, rose-tinted, pure and giggly fun?

Dreaming of a bright tomorrow, as if there’s only ever one

 

I’m not sure what day it is now, though I know the days are long

I had a vision of where I’d be now, and every inch of it was wrong

Instead of smiles, puppies, rainbows, and all delights that life can give

I see jagged rocks before me, twisted shadows where light once lived

 

I do not know who I should be now, bit of old me, bit of new?

Who am I meant to trust now, and should I put my trust in you?

You did not know the past me, although she craved a life so real

She felt and lived so much it broke her, and doesn’t know if it can heal

 

What am I supposed to look like, when I meet friends new or old?

Do I plaster on a happy face, pretend I do not feel the cold?

And what if I take a chance now, when I start to feel I can

But it takes me to that dark place, where the aches and pains began

 

I am not sure where I’m heading, or how far I’ve got to go

I am not sure what I will look like, if I’ll stand high or cower low

I just know that I am trying, with every last breath, push and shove,

For some things in life may shake me, but I will always trust in love.

 

<3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Your Tribe

You see only doubt, unsure of what’s next
The untravelled path, so foreign, unknown

I see strength in your resolve to face those what-ifs
Your grace and your spirit, you’re holding your own

You want to be everything, to everyone and anyone
You worry perhaps you’re not giving your all

But you needn’t try harder, nor worry, nor wonder
We’ll be there to catch you if you ever fall

You alone could shift mountains, achieve things of pure greatness
You’re more capable and brilliant than you’ll ever know

Your people, your tribe, we’ll be there by your side
We’re the family you chose and we won’t let you go

❤️

 

The Beast

The weight of a world sitting square on her chest
A heaving that’s silent yet beats like a drum
The shallow, short breaths; a scared, withered mess
A hope beyond hope that respite will soon come

It grows in sheer size, feeding off thoughts inside
A beast, untamed, that can never be sated
Grunting and growling, teeth poised for its prey
The deep, sinking feeling, inevitably ill-fated

Eyes darting wildly for a nearby escape
Clear outlines, once people, all start to unfurl
Once calm is now chaos, confusion takes reign
She stares around blankly, a lost little girl

She’s a frightened reflection, a deer in the headlights
Struggling to breathe let alone know what to say
The beast took her briefly and left this strange husk
Her usual smile has been stolen away

I will be okay, this isn’t the end
It’s merely a nightmare, the pain will soon fade
Just be there, just hold me, this beast won’t control me
For my soul is still strong and my heart’s not afraid

❤️

Trust in Your Wings

Braving the cold, the harsh bite of the wind
Craving a semblance of warmth deep within
It eminates slowly, as all good things do
But doesn’t equate to the light that once grew

The yearning for more, so relentless and cruel
Wondering why bother, I’ll end up a fool
But what of not trying, not seeing, not knowing
What of a life when a soul has stopped growing?

Pore over what-ifs, the whys, hows and when
But if one opts for no change, what happens then?
Once opportunity, fleeting bright light
Becomes deep regret as the day turns to night

So why not step forward, through fog and thick haze
For the chance of encountering sunnier days
You are but a speck in the grand scheme of things
So shake off those feathers and trust in your wings

❤️

My Light

What if I told you I wasn’t enough
And didn’t belong in your world
That you need someone more, someone whole, someone full,
A happier, well-balanced girl

What if I showed you I’m missing some pieces
I’m not sure if they’ll ever come back
The pain eminates, rest your ear to my chest
And you’ll hear my heart splinter and crack

What if I told you that I couldn’t promise
Rainbows and sunshine and glee
That often lurking just two steps behind
Is a dark shadow following me

What if I told you that you deserve more
That this war to fight was my own
And all of the monsters that live in the darkness
Were my demons to fight; mine alone

What if you showed me we’re all in this fight
That light can’t exist without shade
We all have our demons and monsters and darkness
And moments of feeling afraid

What if I showed you I can face this darkness
And no longer needed to hide
For I have the strength to stand up on my own
But I’m stronger with you by my side

What if I told you that you were my world
And together as one we will fight
We’ll face all our demons, for I am your girl
Forever your strength and your light

❤️

Ode to an empath.

She felt it from within her, from her fingers to her toes
She found what she’d been looking for beneath her shabby clothes
She’d searched for it for many years, shared so much of her heart
And when it didn’t fill back up her whole world fell apart

The cracks became whole chasms, filled with hollow, empty tears
She wondered who this girl was staring back at her with fear
She’d loved without condition as it’s all she knew to do
Love came back to her with asterisks, so another feeling grew

She gazed into that mirror hoping it would let her see
How she became a fragment of the girl she used to be
She struggled finding reasons why it all had gone so wrong
She searched for answers outside, which were within her all along

She always doubted she deserved the love that others shared
She’d empty all that she had left, and lay her soul stripped bare
She gave herself to one and all, though much to her surprise
The one who needed love the most stared back into her eyes

She felt it from within her, from her fingers to her toes
She found what she’d been looking for beneath her shabby clothes
She gave herself a great big hug and crossed her little heart
To always fill herself with love, before she shared a part

❤️

Clean-up on Aisle 3…

Mess. We all have that love/hate relationship with it. Sometimes you thrive off the mess; the nitty-gritty, the drama, the excess, the chaos, the blur. Sometimes it hurts. Emotionally, mentally, and if you’re really unlucky it can even manifest itself physically.

Triage is a word commonly used to define the process of determining an order for dealing with the tough stuff. We instantly visualise extreme situations involving doctors, severe injuries and loud, beepy noises, but we seldom acknowledge it in the context of everyday life. If I could redesign school curriculum, I would prioritise basic skills and exercises that help us human beans deal with life. The small stuff, the big stuff, the smelly stuff, the sweet stuff, and all the other stuff in between.

The big stuff should always be the front-runner. Think your wellbeing, think relationships, think generally staying alive.

Everything else should be an afterthought.

What’s the point of having the perfect job if you don’t have your health?
What’s the point of having all that money if you aren’t looking after yourself and the people you love?
What’s the point of having all of those ‘things’ but no sense of personal identity?

At times it can be hard to triage life. There’s no right or wrong, it’s not black and white, and there’s no such thing as a winner or a loser. Life is messy. Life is a billion shades of grey and nobody can give you the perfect recipe. There is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.

When it all becomes too much, grab the big stuff and ‘chunkify’ it. Break it down into small, manageable, bite-sized pieces and work at it step by step. You can do the thing.

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All you can do is sit back, trust in the big things, and follow your instincts. It may not be easy for the short-term, but it will be worth it.

❤️